The Letter That Changed Everything

My mother learned a profound truth over twenty-one years ago, by releasing our deepest secrets, we not only heal ourselves but also seven generations before and seven generations after us.

In a remarkable act of vulnerability, she wrote me a letter sharing secrets she had kept hidden for decades. This was a huge step for her since she was an intensely private person and had never shared her secrets - not even with her closest friend or my father.

In that letter, she told me that shortly before meeting my dad, she gave birth to a daughter who she gave up for adoption. She carried the weight of that choice in silence for most of her life.

When I got her letter, I was staying with a close friend. A group of us were at her family’s house in Cape Cod. It was one of those sweet, peaceful weekends, full of laughter, nature, and deep conversations. I left before everyone else to go back to Boston for a meeting. When I got home that night, the letter was waiting for me.

Reading my mom’s words triggered a mix of emotions - shock, sadness, awe. The tears rolled down my face, and I immediately called my friend with trembling hands. As she shared my news with our friends, I heard one of them say, “Wow, that's so cool”. I realized it was indeed remarkable, and in that moment, I knew I loved my unmet sister.

The next morning, I signed a new job contract and requested that I start a week late.  I had to be with my mom. I began to see her in a new light - not as my parent on a pedestal but as a person who had lived with heartbreak and did the best she could. I started seeing her as a full human being - layered, flawed,  and courageous.

That amazing week became the beginning of our new relationship - open, honest, unconditionally loving. One where we didn't have to pretend. One where we could be real. One I never thought possible.

The timing of everything was extraordinary. I had just moved to Boston (the 11th city I lived in) that January to start a new chapter in my life. Then, in April, I received her letter. It was as if the universe was orchestrating something far bigger than I could have imagined. And what I didn't know then - but would later discover - was that the sister I never knew lived less than two hours away from where I had just moved.

Unfortunately, my mom died before she got to meet her firstborn daughter. And if she had not shared the truth with me, I would never have known to accept my sister's Facebook invitation exactly 1 year from the day my mom passed away.

My birthday was four days later. After being in shock for the first year of losing her so suddenly to a heart attack, it ended up being the best birthday present I could have ever imagined. My sister is so like my mother that I feel like she could never have left behind a better gift for me.

That letter changed everything between us!

It gave me a sister.

It gave me a more human, more lovable version of my mother, who became my best friend.

It gave us both the gift of a more honest, more connected, unconditional loving bond.

When we're willing to be authentic, to tell the truth, even when it's messy or hard, something powerful happens. We stop performing and start relating - and that's where real connection lives. Not in perfection, but in our shaped, imperfect humanness.